I’ve been reading, hearing about, and experiencing emotional moments, that normally wouldn’t give me cause to pause. But now, thanks to this weird and surreal existence we are in the middle of, I find myself moved to tears on a daily basis.
Those who know me, know that I cry easily, readily, willingly. But things are more on the surface now. Along with disrupted sleep patterns, a lot of not-knowing, the suspension of work routines, lack of physical contact with people I love, and an inability to do what I want when I want to, has left me vulnerable and emotional.
I’ve decided to make a list of things that make me cry. I was going to do 2 lists – one that makes me cry, and one of things that bring me joy, but things that bring me joy also make me cry sometimes. So, there’s that.
Here’s my list:
- I cried when the detective in Murder in Paradise realized his daughter was making the decision to go off to uni.
- I cried when I told my housemate how beautiful her planted flowers look, and what a nice job she did.
- I cried when I thought about the child in our community that died before we went into quarantine.
- I cried when my neighbor’s almost 1-year old said “baa baa” when they looked at the sheep.
- Sometimes I see a meme or video and I laugh so hard I end up crying.
- I cried when I got to see bluebells.
- So, I was watching with a smile, then laughing my ass off at a new Budweiser commercial, and then crying when one of the actors said, “My parents are in lockdown in Nigeria, that’s what’s up”.
- I cried SEVERAL times during a zoom conversation with 3 other friends. One had emergency surgery the weekend of lockdown, and I wished I had been there for her. One is a child life specialist and working full time in the hospital, and I want to make her dinner. She has seen so much loss and death. One is a teacher whose program is still limping along, as she makes time for each family, while running zoom meetings for her preschoolers, and I want to be physically closer. I want to be physically closer to all of them. I want to have dinner with them, I want to go to the beach with them. I want to sit and watch the video fireplace on tv with them.
- Sitting in a chair in the living room, just sitting, started to cry.
- I cried when I couldn’t be with my friend when her brother died.
- Washing my hands after using the toilet. Not sure why that was worth a few tears.
- This commercial gets me, every time; stay safe, stay home, stay connected – https://www.youtube.com/user/virginmedia
- Almost cried seeing a family walk its pug puppy in the car park, and then the child lifted it up, all 4 paws akimbo, to place it in the car. But I quickly shoved a Mr. Kiplinger’s chocolate slice into my mouth and suppressed all the feels. Phew!
- I get teary thinking about my adult children; wouldn’t it be great to hop into a car and bring them groceries, whenever I wanted to? For me, not necessarily for them, maybe.
I’ve hesitated posting this, as the list keeps growing. But I guess that’s the point. It’s this time we’re in. When do you cry? Do you cry? How are you feeling about all of this?
Brooklyn to Belfast 
You’re making me cry reading this because i miss you! At least we have our video conferencing options so I can still feel like we are all in the same room talking from time to time. Looking forward to our next talk!
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Oh man… I was sad to say goodbye the other day… relieved to use the toilet… happy to know the 4 of us are scheduled to talk again. I’m all over the place. Once we’re all in the states, we’ll plan a weekend get away, all together. xoxo
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Reading this post made me cry. Thinking about seniors in high school, college, fifth graders, makes me cry. Thinking about my former teacher colleagues makes me cry. Not seeing my 96-year-old mom makes me cry. Knowing that the lilacs won’t last forever makes me cry. Thanking about this lovely, quiet, suspended- in -space- and -time time ending and everything going back to “normal”makes me cry. Worrying about my unemployed adult children so far away makes me cry. Knowing your across an ocean makes me cry. Whole bunch of stuff. Thanks for this.
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There is definitely so much to cry about. Some joyful, but a whole bunch of stuff, for sure. I’m thinking about this quiet and suspended time ending, too. I know we can’t go back to “normal”, but not knowing what I will be going back to ups my not-knowing… etc.
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It is so nice to “hear” your voice in these blogs. Could I substitute “pull out all my hair” instead of cry :-)?
Small acts of kindness make me cry– like when the teachers at my oldest son’s school offered to have virtual lunch weekly with him b/c he feels disconnected from his beloved friends and teachers; videos of loved ones camped out at senior homes offering love, connected and support. I also cry at golden buzzer moments on AGT and BGT. Mostly these days, my tears are dry b/c I can only feel rage.
Sending so many hugs. T always asks to visit.
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Adey! So good to “hear” you, too! Yes, pulling out your hair is acceptable – ha! Small acts of kindness always get me; I’ve been wondering about that social piece for the kids, and it sounds like your son’s teachers have put so much thought into that. I feel emotional when I see videos of families face-timing with distant relatives and a new baby! I have been avoiding most “reality” shows because of the tear-factor. The community I’m currently staying in is supportive and small; the kind of place where neighbors check in on each other, go for walks together, and cook for each other. I’m not sure what will be waiting for me once I return to BS and NYC. I am prepared to be angry about a LOT of things. And overwhelmed, if I’m honest. I was so happy to find this message waiting for me. I think of sweet T often, and am hoping that all of you are healthy and safe. Say hello to Amanuel, and give the kids hugs from me. Sending you lots of love, Pam
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