January 1, 2020

This morning my dog took off after the local sheep. No matter how much I called her with ever increasing urgency, she wouldn’t come back until she felt done. I had taken her out without a leash only once before, and she had stayed close. Forgetting how bold she often feels after initial experiences, I took her outside with no leash for the second time, and off she ran. 

Coming back with muddy paws, a tight curl to her tail, and dare I say, a definite grin and chuffed attitude, she got picked up and carted inside for breakfast. She slept deeply all day.

It was an exciting way to start the new year. If she hadn’t looked so proud of herself, it would’ve been much easier to get mad at her. Off she went to start her new year with adventure and boldness. I hope the same for all of us!

These last few weeks have been holiday-focused. In northwest Belfast, there are two religions – Catholic and Protestant; so it seems. Hanukah and anything else don’t seem to be on anyone’s radar. It has been over a month of Christmas preparation, conversation, and shopping. 

For me, it was also the anticipation of spending time with my two adult children and their dad; he and I have been separated for 4 years. I have gotten feedback stating that it is unusual to hear me say “my kids’ dad” (rather than “ex”)and that we were going to be spending Christmas all together. On the surface, I agree. This certainly wasn’t my experience after my parents divorced, and it wasn’t one I ever wanted. It was clear long before my parents separated that they were not meant to stay together; I was relieved when they finally split. 

My kids’ dad is a good person, and very easy to co-parent with. And yes, I do believe that our adult children still need to be parented. The parenting lens is the one I look through and the one I structure my relationships on with them. 

He and I get along fine, although we don’t agree with each other on some things. Our lives have begun to diverge and go in separate directions, which ultimately is one of the reasons we needed to live apart, so we could allow that to happen. It is hard work, and we are doing the best we can. Being with our children is rewarding and fills me with great joy. I believe I can say that their dad is having that same experience.  

The bottom line is that we get to write our own story. No one else is entitled to do that, and quite honestly it wouldn’t make any sense to leave the creation and interpretation of our experiences to anyone else. 

For the coming year, I hope you and the people you love get to write your own stories. I am including a link for some work happening here in Belfast, that is trying to encourage the same thing. 

http://www.quakerservice.com/Quaker_Service/My_Story.html